Matters of the Heart
by valeriawyverstone
Summary: One-shot  James wants to spend his life with... actually, he's not quite sure. James/Sirius, implication of possible Remus/Sirius. T for a smidgen of coarse language and a mention or two of gay sex.


**Disclaimer**: HP Land? JK's. Plot, shameless fluff, and bad language? Mine. Although I feel like Sirius would approve.

**Warning**: A four letter word or two is floating around. If you don't like bad words, don't read. Also, slash. If you don't like men doing the wild thing together, you're in the wrong place.

* * *

"Potter."

It was a Wednesday morning, and a dreary one at that.

"Liiiiily Potter."

The windows rattled with unexpected ferocity, as a gust of wind came and went rapidly.

"Lily Potter. LI-ly PO-tter."

The weather outside promised nothing short of a nasty rainstorm, what with the wind howling through the tree branches and the darkening of the approaching clouds.

"Lily Evans. Lily Evans… Potter."

If the skies kept up like this, not even the strongest waterproof spell would keep the rain out of the canopy tent.

"Lily… Potter."

A wedding couldn't be had on a day like this. It would be an utter disaster.

"Lily-"

"James, please, shut up."

The groom turned from his view at the window to stare at his best man, who was currently lying on the guest room bed, staring at the ceiling.

"Pardon?"

"You heard me, James," Sirius muttered, "Please, just shut up. You've been saying her name over and over, and it's annoying the hell out of me."

James let out a low chuckle.

"I just can't believe that she's marrying me, mate," he responded, taking a seat next to his best friend, "I mean, after all those years of hating me, I'm the one she's going to marry. Me!"

He laughed, leaning back to lie next to Sirius. If it weren't for the awful weather outside, he would have said that the day was perfect.

"She's going to be my wife," he continued, "She' going to be Lily _Pot-_"

Sirius sat up furiously, not looking at his friend.

"Yes, I heard you the first thousand times," he muttered angrily, "Maybe you can't get used to the idea, but that doesn't mean you've got to sound like a broken record. Give it a rest."

James frowned and turned to his side. He knew that the marriage might upset Sirius some- after all, he was losing his best friend and roommate at the same go- but he didn't know that it would affect him like this.

"Sirius," James began, "you're my best mate. You know that. I'll still be around after the wedding. We'll be gone for a week and then we'll be back, and it'll be like old times and we-"

"No!" Sirius cried, rising from the bed, "It won't be like old times! We can never go back to that. Don't you understand? You're getting married to _her_ and everything will change. There won't be a 'we' after that. The only 'we' will be you and her!"

"That's not fair, Padfoot. You knew this would happen. We're all going to get married someday, it's just a matter of when."

Sirius gave him a hurt look.

"It didn't have to be _now,_" he said softly.

"If not now, when? You-Know-Who keeps getting more powerful everyday, and we never know if we're next. We might die tomorrow, who knows?"

Sirius didn't say anything for a moment, then sunk into an armchair in the corner of the room. He knew all too well the risks that faced them, and could not argue with James on this point. Even so, the knowledge did not ease the pain of his loss.

"Things won't be the same between us," he said finally.

"Of course they-"

"No," interrupted Sirius, "You'll come visit me, and I'll visit you, but we won't…." He trailed off, trying to find the right words.

"We won't have…. what we had before," he finished quietly, almost to himself.

"Oh," was all that James could say, "That." He blushed, the pink spreading over the paleness of his cheeks.

Sirius looked at him, studying his friend's response, then snorted disgustedly.

"Ashamed, are you, James?" he laughed, "Think it's wrong? You didn't think it was so wrong when you were begging me to fuck you. Pleading, really-"

"Shut up!" James yelled. He got up and strode across the room angrily to where Sirius was sitting.

"Afraid your fiancée will hear? Afraid that she won't marry a poofter like-"

"I," hissed James, "Am. Not. A. Poofter."

"No," Sirius agreed, smiling for the first time in the whole morning, "you're not. You like it both ways. You want to have your cake and eat it, too. Or should I say, you want to have your cock and-"

James blanched at the unspoken implication.

"Lily doesn't have to know," James whispered.

"'Course she doesn't," Sirius said genially, "But it would be better if she did."

"You wouldn't-"

"I would. I won't, though, because it's not my place."

James exhaled a sigh of relief. Sirius stood up, and walked to the mirror, straightening his tie and smoothing out imaginary wrinkles in his suit.

"You look wonderful, you great prat, you always do." James said, feeling the tension of the argument lift, "Now stop being vain and let's go downstairs. I'd like to get married today."

Sirius laughed, throwing back his head. For a moment, James felt a flicker of doubt. His hesitations had been less and less as he spent more time with Lily, but for a second, he imagined how things would be like if he didn't get married, if he kept living with Sirius. Would things get more serious between the two men? Or would Sirius's attention wane, as it had with so many conquests before him?

As if sensing the moment of uncertainty, Sirius turned to James suddenly, his eyes alight with mischief.

"Come away with me," he murmured, reaching out to touch James' cheek reverently. He pressed a soft kiss to the other man's mouth delicately.

"Where would we go?" James asked. He couldn't believe he was considering this. He shouldn't have let his misgivings get the best of him.

"Anywhere. The world could be ours, James. We're young and in love. We'd be together, and that's what matters."

Another kiss. More insistent this time, more intense. James was reluctant to pull away.

"Lily?"

"Lily will recover. She's a strong woman."

One of Sirius' hands was around him now, bringing him closer, while the other cupped the back of his head. Any thoughts of resistance on James' part melted into incoherency as Sirius closed his eyes brought those soft lips crashing down on his. This was all he needed, he realized. It was only ever Sirius, ever since the beginning. His world shrunk to that kiss, those seconds of bliss that felt like they were the oxygen he needed to breathe. And then-

"Oy, Prongs!"

He could hear a voice outside. The door crashed open before the couple broke apart, revealing a rather out of breath Remus Lupin.

"Prongs, I've been looking for you all over," he panted, "They said they're going to start, never mind the rain."

James disentangled himself from Sirius reluctantly and nodded. He kissed Sirius lightly on the cheek and walked out the door.

"Way to kill the moment," Sirius muttered.

Remus shot him a sidelong glance.

"Yes, because this day is all about you and your little affair," he said sharply.

"No need to get huffy," said Sirius, running a hand through his hair, "I'm just saying that-"

"It's over," Remus said, with an air of authority. Of the four, he was perhaps the one who could best exert some measure of control and maturity.

"Get over it," he continued, "James is getting married today, and I'm not letting you fuck this up for him. Not you, not anybody."

"I love him," Sirius retorted defensively, "I just want him to be with someone who truly loves him. I always loved him. Lily hated him, she doesn't deserve him."

"But you do?"

The men regarded each other for a moment, in silence.

"No," whispered Sirius finally, "But I wish I did."

Remus watched the other man leave, unsure of what to say. After a second, he sprinted down the hallway, catching up to the Animagus before he descended the stairs.

"Sirius, there's someone who loves you like you love James," he said, trying to sound supportive, "And he's out there, waiting for you until you're ready to return his love. You just have to be willing to start over again."

Sirius smiled sadly and shook his head.

"There's no way you can know that. Besides, I can't just start over," he answered gently, "I love him more than you would ever know."

He clapped Remus on the shoulder and went down the stairs to the back door of the Potter residence.

"Believe me," Remus murmured to his friend's retreating back, "I know. And I'll wait for you, old friend. As long as I have to."


End file.
